A, B, C, Easy As 1, 2, 3.

"Life is like a blanket too short. You pull it up and your toes rebel, you yank it down and shivers meander about your shoulder; but cheerful folks manage to draw their knees up and pass a very comfortable night."

Oftentimes I can be found sitting silently, with something of a stare transfixed on assumed invisible imagery. I've been told in this mindset I look puzzled (but I'm inferring it's a flatteringly puzzled). I enjoy this "you-look-like-you're-hurting-yourself-you're-so-deep-in-thought" spout, especially when it keeps the people around me on their inquisitional toes. Majority of the time though, the things I'm dreaming of are private contemplations; An analysis subjected only to my mind, in fear that their admittance would be disturbing to the public peace. I'm not pessimistic during this stint, but merely, aware of reality.

For the past couple of weeks I haven't been able to shake the desire to study relationships, based both from external and internal viewpoints. And the conclusions I made are astonishing (actually, it's just common sense realized).

There are the relationships that thrive on the material pleasures - sporting designer handbags, $300 sunglasses, and flashing ex-boyfriend Tiffany rings at every chance they get. Based solely on my perceptions, I can't help but wonder how deep the connection actually goes. Rather than seek the companionship or juncture with their partner, the demand for the red KitchenAid mixer is too much of a priority to ignore.

Speaking of order of obligations, there are also the relationships that struggle with just that.

Then there are those relationships that only have each other, abusing the notion of "taking two to tango." Living lives side by side erases all enjoyability of bringing something new to the table; Identity is lost, and enmeshment clouds perceptions, feeling completely inadequate, dazed and confused without their partner holding their hand.

Lastly*, there are relationships that are nothing more than acquaintances, where both go with the flow, only exerting enough effort needed to maintain the Facebook status, yet retaining separate existences all the while - a step above friends-with-benefits.

I can't help but wonder why this happens. I can't help but speculate how these individuals can be happy together. I also can't help the fact that just after I typed that, I looked off for about 5 minutes, contemplating the subject. I can only come to one conclusion.

There's one word that captures the emotion every human being will try to avoid. One word that keeps the prideful cheeky and the humble subservient, the bottom from the top and the long from the short of it. One word that can perpetuate the construction of barricades and fortresses made of steel. As much as we enjoy engaging, playing, conversing, there's something that's always going to hold humanity back until we face it, rather than ignore it. I can boldly say, however, the grass is greener on the other side.

There's a taboo about vulnerability, and each relationship experiences it. The biggest culprit: love. You're completely and utterly opening yourself up to another individual, trusting them to stick by you when fallen, when exuberant, and even when exhausted. Giving them the chance to break you, beat you, torment you, damage you, kick you, bruise you, dismantle you, reject you.

But that's the best part.

Somehow vulnerability, through it's negative connotations, creates excitement - an adrenaline rush that captivates your mind, body, soul. This martyr-like act, as challenging as it may be, should be addressed. Once you're encompassed by the feeling, once you realize your partner**, the surgical down-the-middle procedure couldn't come any sooner. It's just up to you to take liability and embrace it.

I think that's why some get stuck where they are, focused on iPads or Marc Jacobs, higher priorities, or themselves. It's because they're afraid. Or maybe it's because they're stuck - opening up only to find that they're no more right for each other then Brad and Jennifer, but holding on due to their acquiescence.

I don't have all the answers, just observations with unqualified conclusions. But one thing remains true. Giving yourself to another person is tough, but nothing of worth in reality is ever easy.

Some relationships are good, others are bad. Some make you question yourself, where some solidify your identity. Some are for comfort, narcissism, connection, or even just for the day; whereas some previously made you happy, and some still do. Whatever it may be, the human mind would deteriorate without a connection to another, I suppose it's just a perilous ride for many to get there.

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* There are far more negative relational types then this, I apologize if I didn't address yours.
** Realize them for who they are, realize them for how they make you feel, realize them for how much you want them, and realize them for how much you need them.

Sunny Delight Earns D Grade.

"I was born with an enormous need for affection, and a terrible need to give it."

I haven't written in awhile, but let me tell you why.

There's nothing like a good glass of orange juice. The taste, the aroma, and joyously throwing the peels down the garbage disposal - it can't be beat. However, when something is lost out of that substance, like the pulp (which is undoubtedly the best part) (that's not up for discussion), the glass almost instantaneously appears half empty, and certainly lacking in a proper serving of vitamin c. Without this pulp, one could infer that the simple reminder of mother nature has been removed from the processed, frozen, popped out of a can fruit concentrate. In the same way, I've lost my words, or at least the essence behind them.

And you know who I have to blame for this malnutrition? My mother.

Driving home from class tonight I began thinking why certain things happen. I also double checked my image in the mirror to see if there were giant letters spelling out "screw me, please" on my forehead. Then it hit me - I know exactly where it comes from. My ma has the biggest heart of anyone I have ever graced these past 20 years; she consistently gives and gives and gives, never expecting a token in return. She hardly complains, and when she does it's framed in such a way to sympathize with others (whether she realizes it or not). She forgives, she's thoughtful, and continually strives to cure all wounds - especially those that can't be seen. I feel for other maternal figures that know her, because surely there's some envy at her mothering skills. Yes, I'm biased, but don't let that fool you. This, then, is where the applied analysis comes into effect.

However much I don't want to care, however much I don't want to give simply doesn't matter. Period. It's like someone decides to take a machete to my insides, tearing me up because I want to, I have to - this emotional mindset has been ingrained within myself from the very beginning, and I'm afraid a reverse-conditioning process would be of no use. This further goes to supplant the notion of unconditionality. Whether you beat me down, like to take me for a ride, or pull the silent treatment card, I let you. And you know why I let you? The same reason my mom puts up with my pent up aggression. The same reason she continues to accept me for who I am. The same reason she routinely shows her love for me whether I deserve it or not.

Maybe it's because we like to see the good in individuals. Or maybe, its the simple the fact that we like to see people content, even at the cost of our own egos.

And it absolutely kills me.

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